I know this will be horrible for the amazing moms that homeschool and unschool, but sometimes I really just want to quit. Especially on days where no one is motivated to do anything. I find these days are more often than not. I am struggling with my cooking and cleaning. With the health of my youngest son, and the chauffeur service I provide for all the kids as I shuttle them around to different activities, I am quite beat. I have one simple rule, work before play. And well, the kids are more apt to want to play. And I am such a pushover. You give me a good reason, or what sounds like one, and I will let you get away with it. But this is IT! I have had it.
Why do I feel like a failure?
Logically, (I am quite illogical right about now.. estrogen and all) I think that I DO have a lot on my plate.
My schedule is crazy, 4 KIDS, living in the basement (without a kitchen) while construction is being done, homeschooling 3 of the kids, and 1 child that is not well.
But illogically, I feel I should be able to do this and then some. Why can't I be supermom? Why do I feel the need to be one? I think that is the more important question. To really start to unravel that, I will have to visit my childhood and honestly that trip is probably not in my best interests. Why are women in general such people pleasers? Why am I? Why do I care to be so? All questions to ponder but right now I want to wallow a bit longer in self pity.
OH, poor me! Okay, feel a tad bit better. Also, the whipped cream that my oldest dolloped on top of my coffee helped tremendously. Plus, my 2nd grader who hates to read is looking over my shoulder and reading this very enthusiastically.
Maybe all is not lost. Maybe. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. But for today, I really just want to throw the towel in.
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