You ever think about it?

I was just looking at C and thinking if he itches that area one more time, its going to be a bloody mess again.

People hear me tell them that he gets rashes that he itches to bleeding.  But do they ever think about where the itchy areas are?  How could a person function if his or her private areas constantly had rashes that were ripped and bleeding?

I know that for me witnessing it and trying to do damage control how much pain I feel, but it can be nothing compared to what my little guy is going through.

So do you ever think about it?  The person next to you who has not combed her hair or smells bad.

I stopped wearing deodorant and perfumes because even those things bother him.  I love different fragrances.  I have given that up.  Not by choice, but by necessity.

I love to go out.  I love the sunny days where the weather is perfect.  Now though I have given it up.

I am not trying to seem complaining, but there are people out there who think I have no desire to take care of myself or get exercise or socialize.

The truth is .. I long for those things.. just like anyone else..  But my child is sick and not normal.  Its hard to admit that..  Its hard to admit that his life may never be normal.

So I smile when I am crying inside because I want him to run around like everyone's kids.  I want him to eat ice cream and smear it all over his face.  I want him to roll around and make mud pies and play in the rain.

When I see other kids eating, I have to make sure my son stays far away.  Its just not fair to him to see things that he just cannot have.  His prayer at night, "Dear God, Please take away my allergies so I can have pizza."

And then there's the other side.  Aside from his allergies, he is brilliant!  He is so curious.  "Why, Mamma?"  And he is so sensitive and loving.  He has a dimple that comes out.  He does a tushy shaking dance that I find so endearing.  And he has no other effects that usually accompany conditions like this.  No delays.  And for that, Thank you God!

I just want him to be able to function more normally.  As he gets older, he will understand his limitations.  He will also be able to verbally tell me if his throat is closing up or if his airway is getting blocked.  He actually does tell me, "Mamma, I'm wheezing."  And he always is when he says so.